My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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