im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
