so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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