She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
