he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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