Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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