it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
