So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
