i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
