from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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