That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
