I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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