xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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