i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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