guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
