He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
