I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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