How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
this is an emotional support booty call
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
