garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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