the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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