There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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