I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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