god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
