The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
