big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
