I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize