i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude. I can hear the air.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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