i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
