Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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