Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
