Rock
Scissors
Fuck
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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