he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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