just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
