How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
