Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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