butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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