Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize