i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
