I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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