So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize