People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
