Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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