Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize