i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
