Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
