i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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