Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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