We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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