i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize