We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
