proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
