Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
