Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
