Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
