i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The air was thick with penises
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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