Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I think my nap took me to another dimension
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
