chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
