She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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