I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
