The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
