Jerry, you need to find god
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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