Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You can't just leave with hair like that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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