i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
