i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
