Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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