Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
