would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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