When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
